Time for some gardening...

Recently, words from Beth Moore's book Stepping Up spoke to me in a painful personal circumstance I found myself in.  She talked about the idea of "sowing the seed" of God's Word.  Here's an excerpt:

"The seed of God's Word can fill our stomachs and give us immediate satisfaction, and still not produce a harvest - that's when we eat it but don't sow it.  We have to get down on our knees in the hardship of our circumstances and apply God's Word to the most difficult places, believing God will bring a harvest.
If we don't see an immediate result from our acts of obedience, we often decide to dig up the seed.  Hebrews 6:12...tells us to 'imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.'  
Sowing the seed of God's Word in a terribly difficult situation is not easy!  But God absolutely promises you that if you do, you will receive a harvest... Get down on those knees and start digging in the ground of your reality and sow some seed.  He who promised is faithful." 

That analogy has stayed with me, and I contemplate it and pray about it sometimes, as I continue to deal with this particular struggle.  This morning as I scrolled through Facebook, I came across a link to a blog post called "How Deep are we Digging our Ditches?"  Funny how God ties things together.  Here's part of what Marisa wrote:

"Most of the time, not only do we not dig our ditches as if we are expecting to receive enough, but for sure not deep enough for the abundant blessing intended.  What could happen if we just give God bigger reservoirs to fill?  
..Grab a spade, a shovel, a spoon, a bulldozer, whatever you need to begin with.  Just start digging where He tells you to.  Then keep digging."  

Goodness.  As I read these two lessons, I almost feel like I literally need to go outside, find a shovel, and start digging a hole somewhere!!  The camp maintenance staff probably wouldn't appreciate that, though, so it's a good thing this is intended in a spiritual sense.  So instead, I'm asking God, what do I need to be doing in my life right now, to dig up the ground of this circumstance You have me walking through, and sow the seed of Your Word into it?  

I want to be a faithful sower....to not let Satan or the world or my own doubt steal the seed of the Word away (Matthew 13:18-).  I want to believe God's promises, and not just satisfy myself with them (being merely a hearer of the Word - James 1:22), but put the faith effort into really believing Him, and sowing those seeds into my situation.  I want to see a harvest!

"The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and sowed in his field, and this is smaller than all other seeds, but when it is full grown, it is larger than the garden plants and becomes a tree." Matthew 13:31-32.

So, though really I'll just be praying in my room, I'm imagining myself on my knees on this soggy, sandy Alaskan ground, with mud up to my elbows, digging a hole and planting seeds...with tears on my face, because God promises, "Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting" (Psalm 126:5)...asking Him to be faithful, to let me see a harvest from this present difficulty He has placed me in.  He is good, all the time.  I believe that.

one week left....WHAT?!

From my journal this morning: 

"One more week.  I have one week left in Tennessee.  That's so crazy, unreal, and getting harder as it gets closer.  I think overwhelmed is the most appropriate word for how I feel... overwhelmed with how little time is left, and how much time I'm gonna be gone.  Overwhelmed with a million crazy thoughts and feelings, and with what I need to be focusing my attention on during these days.  Overwhelmed by how fast the days are going by.  I feel unprepared and nervous.  A few weeks ago, the time to go to Alaska couldn't come fast enough.  Now that it's just days away, it's coming too fast.   

I think I feel scattered and distracted, like I'm dazedly floating and to-do-list-checking my way through these days.  I need encouragement and help from God and His Word, but my Bible studies the last few days have seemed irrelevant to where I am right now..so that's not helping.  

This morning while working out, the song 'Irene' by TobyMac came on my iPod.  So old-school! :-)  It makes me smile because of the memories of my first couple of summers at Ba Yo Ca associated with it.  Anyway, the words kinda blessed me in a strange way this morning.  There's a section that repeats 'everything's gonna be alright, everything's gonna be alright' several times, and it was somewhat calming to hear that repeating in my ears through the earbuds.  Then one of the choruses says,

Hey little girl with the pressures of the world 

On your shoulders, don't say that it's over

I heard your prayers, just cast your cares

And I'll be there so don't you fear

Matthew 11:28-30 says 'Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'  I've prayed for soul-rest for others I love many times lately...now I need it for me!" 

Don't let this journal entry mislead you, friends.  I truly am very excited about going to Alaska and about the ministry there!!  (also, I did have a more encouraging devotion time after writing this :-) )  I'm confident God has called me there and it's going to be great.  Honestly, it would be abnormal if I wasn't kinda freaking out a few days before leaving on a mission trip.  It always happens.  Maybe it's a bit amplified this time because it's for almost 6 months -- not just a few weeks.  Anyway, I am excited.  But as you can see, it's also kinda tough sometimes.  I definitely appreciate your prayers!  :-) 

The Lord surrounds His people

"As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people."  Psalm 125:2

"You have enclosed me behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me."  Psalm 139:5

"And I, declares the Lord, will be a wall of fire around her, and I will be the glory within her."  Zechariah 2:5

These verses all came from today's lesson in Beth Moore's book Stepping Up.  It was a timely lesson that I didn't know I needed, until it brought unexpected tears to my eyes.  That third verse in particular was one I had never read before, and it floored me.  Wow, God, is all I can say.

How amazing to know that my God is all around me, protecting me, and fighting for me.  We are comforted by believing that God is with us....and He is.  But today I'm faced with the truth that He's not just with me.  He's before me, behind me, all around me, within me...and He's for me.  And I stand in awe of that, and of Him.

The photo above is not of the mountains surrounding Jerusalem.  It's actually of the mountains surrounding Juneau, Alaska -- where I will be in less than 3 weeks from now.  As this journey gets closer and closer, I'm very excited, but also nervous and at times, even afraid.  It's so unfamiliar.  And so far.

Today I'm incredibly thankful that wherever I go on this earth, my God is with me.  As the huge, strong, immovable mountains surround Jerusalem -- and Juneau, too -- He surrounds me.

hold all things loosely.

Abraham knew without a doubt that Isaac was from God -- that God had given Isaac to him (Genesis 17).  Yet then God said, sacrifice him.  Give him up.  Let him go.  He was the promise child, the answer to their prayers, the gift of God.  And God said, let go of him.  Abraham's response was obedience.  It was "God knows what He's doing," and trust in Him.  Abraham was committed to obey the Lord.

The result... it was a test of Abraham's faith, loyalty, and obedience.  It strengthened his faith!  It demonstrated his commitment.  And Isaac remained, because God stepped in.  "Now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son."  (Genesis 22:12)

"Until God had Isaac, He did not have all of Abraham there was to have."  --sermon notes

Sometimes God finds it necessary to loosen our grip on certain things, things we may be holding too tightly.  He might, in His sovereignty, take it away completely...or He might, in His lovingkindess, let it remain.  But we have a tendency to keep too tight a grip on the things we care about -- a job, a relationship, security, money, our plans, etc.  We want to hang on, because we're scared if we let go, God will take it away.

But clinging isn't pretty.  Neither is God having to literally pry it out of our white-knuckled hands.  Surrender is hard, but beautiful.  The story will be much better if we loosen our fists and let God do His thing in His time, and trust that the results will be His good and perfect will.  "Hold all things loosely."

on house-sitting, Alaska, and Keith Urban.

I'm sitting in someone else's recliner, in a house that is not mine, after cooking dinner and cleaning in an unfamiliar kitchen.  The country music TV channel is playing, which is nice because we don't have this channel at home.  A strange cat is sleeping now after following me around for most of the afternoon.  Two teen girls are in the other room doing their homework -- girls whose well-being I am responsible for for the next 3 weeks.  I'm getting sleepy, and need to figure out where clean sheets are kept, before going to sleep in an unfamiliar bed.

I also have quite a lengthy list of things I need to work on before leaving for Alaska in 6 weeks, so I'm hoping to get a lot of that done during this time I'm house-sitting and staying with these girls.  That is... if I can stay focused and motivated to be productive... why are TV and Pinterest so distracting?!

Did I just say that I leave for Alaska in 6 weeks?  Yeah, I did.  Six weeks from today, I will be on a plane with 2 friends who are also working at Echo Ranch... flying west.  And north.  Northwest.  Three thousand miles.  To stay for 5+ months.  Is that crazy, or what?

I really don't know what God's got in store for the next 5-6 months.  I know it's gonna be something amazing, because I have full confidence that He's the One leading me to this place.  Some moments I'm scared silly, and other moments I'm crazy excited.  One thing I know -- okay maybe two things -- A) this is going to be a God-sized adventure. and B) God has been teaching me so much in the past few months, just in the waiting and preparing time.  Big stuff.  Stuff about Him, and about trusting Him.  A word of encouragement if you find yourself in a waiting season..... waiting is frustrating.  It stinks.  But open your eyes and heart to what He wants to teach you in the midst of it.  It's not without purpose.

And a random thought to close with:  I just found out tonight that Keith Urban is from New Zealand.  Who knew?  Okay.  I'm going to find a snack and clean sheets and go to bed.  Thanks for taking a few minutes to read my little musings.. :-)

the dominoes, the journey, the countdown

"Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn't happened, a whole set of things never would have either?  Like dominoes in time, a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes that gained momentum and spun out of control, and nothing was ever the same again.  Don't ever doubt that a mere second can change your life forever." 

I've thought about this many times, actually, and it's so true.  It's crazy to trace life events backwards -- events that maybe seemed insignificant at the time, but one thing led to another and as a result, your life is totally different than it might have been if that first little thing had never happened.  

And God is orchestrating all of it.  Every encounter, decision, roadblock, conversation, trial, surprise, and turn-of-events, He is orchestrating for our good and His glory....making everything beautiful in its time.  

I can't wait to see what beautiful things He is planning down this path He's leading me on!  It's less than 50 days until I set out on the actual trip to Alaska, but the journey has already begun.  And this is one of those things that I can look back on the past few years and see the "dominoes in time" that have led to this moment. 

He's making everything beautiful in HIS time and I'm crazy excited. 

The Alaska Story

Hey friends!  So, I shared on Facebook yesterday that I'm going to serve at Echo Ranch Bible Camp in Juneau, Alaska this year.  Some people have asked how I found out about this opportunity, and other specifics.... so I thought I'd share a testimony of how this came to be.  It's really a God thing.  Here we go.

It really started over a year ago, in December 2011, at the Christian Camp and Conference Association's national convention.  I knew then that I wouldn't be working at Camp Ba Yo Ca much longer, so while at this conference, I was on the lookout for new job opportunities.  The previous year at the conference, I had met this guy named Nick who worked at Echo Ranch (you meet lots of cool people at these events!), so at the 2011 conference, we met up again, and he brought up the suggestion that I should come work at Echo Ranch that summer (2012).  It sounded like a cool opportunity, and I strongly considered going.  We talked details on the phone a few times after the conference ended.  But in the end, I decided not to go.  It wasn't "the right thing at the right time."  I didn't have peace about it and neither did my parents.

As it turned out, that was the right choice.  I spent summer 2012 serving at VBS and going on mission trips to Kenya and Romania.... and knew I was *exactly* where I was supposed to be!  It was an amazing summer of growth and ministry.
But I was frustrated, because by the end of the summer, God still hadn't revealed any direction about my next job or long-term ministry position.  I'd been diligently (sometimes desperately!) searching and applying for ministry jobs for months!  That pattern continued after the summer, but I kept running into closed doors.  And at this point, I hadn't really thought about Echo Ranch Bible Camp in months.

On September 15, 2012, I attended a Beth Moore conference, where she spoke about asking God for the desires of your heart and living a bold life for Him.  During one of the breaks that day, I wrote down a prayer in my notebook-- "God, I don't want to live a small, safe life. I want to live an abundant, audacious life for You. A faithful and faith-filled life - adventurous and bold and joyful.  Oh Lord, how I want You to call me to something huge, something frightening, something beautiful. What will You call me to?"  Another significant moment of that day, looking back on it, was a line from Beth Moore's prayer for the conference attendees.  She prayed for me and the other ladies there, "Awaken anything that has died an unnecessary death in her."

Fast forward, continuing to search for a job, etc.... in October, Nick happened to be in town, and we got together to catch up.  The subject of me working at Echo Ranch came up again.  No pressure, just a suggestion.  So I began to think and pray about that again.  As I prayed about it over the next couple of months, God began to show me that this was where He was leading!  Answered prayers, conversations with people, etc, confirmed this for me.

And it was confirmed, too, by the enemy showing me he did NOT want me to go! The devil began to throw all sorts of fears and accusations at me to convince me I couldn't/shouldn't go serve in Alaska.  He brought up past [false] feelings of failure and inadequacy to make me question, not only my ability to serve at ERBC, but my qualification to serve in camp ministry at all.  This wasn't a "holy hesitation" from God; this was straight-up fear and doubt from the enemy!  There's a difference!

On the day I was ready to submit the application -- a Sunday afternoon in mid-December -- I knew it was what God wanted, but was afraid to hit the "send" button.  I went and sat in my bedroom floor and prayed.  I have this thing saved on my iPod from that same Beth Moore conference; it's a compilation of several pages of Scripture verses about fear and courage.  I sat there and read through every one of those verses and prayed through them, until God gave me peace.  With that peace, He brought to mind Isaiah 30:21, "This is the way; walk in it."  That was my answer.

And that brings us to yesterday, when I got the "congratulations on being approved to serve at Echo Ranch" email.  I am so excited to see what this season will hold, and how God will allow me to serve the campers and staff of ERBC!  Thank you all again for your support.  Please pray for me as I start fundraising (all ERBC staff are self-supported missionaries) and prepare physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for this summer of service in Alaska.  God is really, really good, and I know He has good things in store :-)